The Biopsy
On Tuesday the 18th, while in prayer and worship, the Lord gave me a vision of a crystal clear waterfall pouring out over me. The waterfall was constant and powerful yet gently landed on my head like a fresh summer rain misting the soft green grass with faithful nourishment. The waterfall was crystal clear, perfect, and sparkling as the sun’s light danced through it. The vision felt extremely peaceful, even though its meaning was beyond me. In the past I would have chalked it up to a figment of my imagination but I’ve learned that in these moments He’s showing me something. So, I eagerly asked, “God, what does this mean?”
The evening of the biopsy my throat area ached from 5 samples taken from the right nodule and 7 from the left. Results on June 1st.
Wednesday came, biopsy day. His character and goodness zipped through my body. I didn’t feel confident in the procedure or how it would feel, but I knew I could be confident in who He is. Sitting in the biopsy chair, reclined clear back with my neck exposed, I prayed my big prayer, “Lord, I know YOU can do it. Have these nodules dissolve!”. As the ultrasound tech put the wand on my throat, she measured the nodules and set up the needles for the procedure. The biopsy was painful and I was completely overwhelmed. Discouragement set in and hung in the air like a thick hot cloud, as if I was in a desert craving for fresh air and water. On the drive home I cried. I processed. I asked “why!?”. I battled the thoughts of “I know you perform miracles, why don’t we see them? What did I do wrong?? Why didn’t you do this, Jesus?” My soul lamented. What would I tell people? What will they think now that my big hairy audacious prayer went unanswered?
Hours later I laid in bed with an ice pack over my throat, which was sore and beginning to bruise. I was reminded that God’s character was one of encouragement - my discouragement was straight from the enemy. To pause my pain, I began to mindlessly scroll through Instagram. I stopped when I saw an image of a Bible verse which read, “I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.” Psalm 9:1. My stomach leapt into the air as if I flew down a tall roller coaster hill. My mind began to fire with wonder and awe. My heart raced with excitement. In the image, behind the Bible verse, was a waterfall.
As I stared at the waterfall, He gently whispered to me, “if I took away the nodules completely, would that have been a greater miracle than all I’ve already done for you?”.
I stared at the image, shocked. The vision of the waterfall the day before, my questions, my lamenting - He was answering. He was prodiving. He was being faithful to my cries! He was teaching me something and I needed to take note!
He was right, of course. It wouldn’t have been any greater than what he had already done, why didn’t I see that before this moment!? ALL that he has done is marvelous!
My mind sifted through every single provision I experienced through this entire journey. What felt like little coincidences were actually God’s strategic care for me. EVERYTHING THAT HAD HAPPENED WAS ON PURPOSE and here I sat inspired and encouraged by the Holy Spirit to CONTINUE to share the “little” things He has done in the waiting and pain.
If we refuse to pray according to his character, I’m afraid we’ll miss the small day to day ways he’s faithful. Miracles aren’t always theatrical, even though they most definitely can be, but is that what we are fixated on? Seeing a theatrical miracle that proves God is undeniably real? Let’s get excited about the day to day miracles even if we can’t prove it’s Him! The more we explain it’s not in our power, the more God receives the credit.
TELL of all his wonderful deeds.
This begins with embracing the burden and choosing to become more aware of the minute by minute, day by day Holy Spirit occurrences. I want to NOTICE his hand in every second of my life, don’t you? Let’s choose to take what the world calls coincidence and instead see it as miracles. My huge faith based prayers will never stop, but if that’s where my focus is I’ll continue to miss all the little things that only his mighty hand can line up and make marvelous.
“Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.” John 21:25
Wake up, sleeper, and see what he has done and is doing in your life. Allow his faithfulness to inspire big audacious prayers! Allow his character to drench and nourish you with His daily goodness- for every minute of the day He pours out gifts, provisions, peace, care, and love over you! It’s a constant flow of goodness. It’s gentle. It’s beautiful. It’s surreal. A waterfall continuously quenches the plants near by and creates a body of water for animals to dwell in and call home - His living water does the same for us, quenching ALL our needs and provides a safe dwelling place. Let him refresh you in ways only He can. His goodness pours out and is imprinted all over your life, can you see the evidence? Will you tell about it?
